"The Star-Spangled Banner" reference feels a little out of place — it's a specific, recognizable anthem dropped into a personal, internal moment, and it pulls focus toward a very particular image (national anthem, football-game energy) rather than the "silent symphonies" mood you're building. I'd consider whether a more generic or invented comparison serves the mood better, unless the specificity is intentional.
"Frightened like a little old man" is a striking, unusual simile — it's the kind of specific, slightly odd image that gives a lyric personality, but it's also a little ambiguous (why an old man specifically?). Worth knowing if that's a personal reference for you, because it'll read differently to a listener without that context.
"Notes are born and not torn" is a nice little internal rhyme, one of the sharper lines in the piece.
Structurally, the song is shorter and more compact than your others — no traditional chorus repeats, more like a single rising monologue. That's a legitimate choice for a song about a private, internal moment, but if you ever want it to be more "singable" live, you might think about whether a repeated line or hook would help a crowd latch onto it.
The closing line — "Music will knock that fear in me, forever dead" — is a strong, definitive way to end; it resolves the fear set up in line one, which is good structural bookending.
"The Star-Spangled Banner" reference feels a little out of place — it's a specific, recognizable anthem dropped into a personal, internal moment, and it pulls focus toward a very particular image (national anthem, football-game energy) rather than the "silent symphonies" mood you're building. I'd consider whether a more generic or invented comparison serves the mood better, unless the specificity is intentional.
"Frightened like a little old man" is a striking, unusual simile — it's the kind of specific, slightly odd image that gives a lyric personality, but it's also a little ambiguous (why an old man specifically?). Worth knowing if that's a personal reference for you, because it'll read differently to a listener without that context.
"Notes are born and not torn" is a nice little internal rhyme, one of the sharper lines in the piece.
Structurally, the song is shorter and more compact than your others — no traditional chorus repeats, more like a single rising monologue. That's a legitimate choice for a song about a private, internal moment, but if you ever want it to be more "singable" live, you might think about whether a repeated line or hook would help a crowd latch onto it.
The closing line — "Music will knock that fear in me, forever dead" — is a strong, definitive way to end; it resolves the fear set up in line one, which is good structural bookending.
