The pre-choruses are doing something smart — "they say it's just a chemical" and "they say it never lasts" both introduce a little doubt/tension right before the chorus explodes, which makes the chorus hit harder by contrast. That's good instinct, whether or not it was deliberate.
The bridge is the strongest section you've written across all four songs. "You might leave me tomorrow and I'll be back in my sorrow / but today I'm fine, you're all mine, and I'm not letting go" — that's genuinely well-crafted; it acknowledges the fragility of the feeling without undercutting the celebration, which gives the song real emotional depth instead of just being one-note joy.
A couple of lines could use tightening for scansion — "making plans with no debate" and "every good ending never ends" read a little more like filler-for-rhyme than the rest of the lyric, which is otherwise pretty tight. Worth a second pass if you want the whole thing at the level of your best lines.
"Happiness hits like a freight train running wild through my veins" is a great opening chorus line — strong, physical, unexpected image (freight train) paired with something more internal (veins). That contrast is doing real work.
This is the most complete song of the four, structurally and emotionally — nice work.
The pre-choruses are doing something smart — "they say it's just a chemical" and "they say it never lasts" both introduce a little doubt/tension right before the chorus explodes, which makes the chorus hit harder by contrast. That's good instinct, whether or not it was deliberate.
The bridge is the strongest section you've written across all four songs. "You might leave me tomorrow and I'll be back in my sorrow / but today I'm fine, you're all mine, and I'm not letting go" — that's genuinely well-crafted; it acknowledges the fragility of the feeling without undercutting the celebration, which gives the song real emotional depth instead of just being one-note joy.
A couple of lines could use tightening for scansion — "making plans with no debate" and "every good ending never ends" read a little more like filler-for-rhyme than the rest of the lyric, which is otherwise pretty tight. Worth a second pass if you want the whole thing at the level of your best lines.
"Happiness hits like a freight train running wild through my veins" is a great opening chorus line — strong, physical, unexpected image (freight train) paired with something more internal (veins). That contrast is doing real work.
This is the most complete song of the four, structurally and emotionally — nice work.
